The ugly secret that is tearing apart Indian families

The quality of family relationships is rapidly deteriorating. We love our parents, and they also love us. But sometimes there are things and people we come to love more.

Have you ever observed that parents complaining about their toddler or teen is viewed as normal wherein they will even get sympathetic sighs, but the same about an adult kid will get terribly awkward for the listener? This is because families are supposed to be generally happy, especially if there are adults involved. And this stigma over familial issues is often skirted beneath the carpet, lest it shows it ugly face to the world.

Tarun Arora was deeply attached to his family. He was a pampered child who grew up in accordance with his parents. He was never said ‘no’ for anything. He took up a job in a different place, but used to visit often, disregarding his low salary. His poor financial condition never bothered him, because whenever he fell short of money his parents would transfer him the amount that would suffice to his needs. He was fed with the best of delicacies at the time of his stay, including all (deep fried) meals prepared at home plus street food like tikki after dinner, cholle kulche, huge cups of tea, followed by taking naps, because ‘thakk kr aaya hai, rest bhi zroori hai :) ’… So, gradually this ‘kid’ formed a very unhealthy eating lifestyle. He soon went from ‘fit to fat’, with high cholestrol, joint issues at a young age. This did not stop the parents from splurging their love (food) on their now adult child. But one fine day, the guy realised how far he has come from a healthy life, how important it was for him to be left alone to make his own decisions and understand life and make his mistakes. From that day, he started repenting his life with his parents, did not wish to spend time with his family. “I finally understand the importance of hobbies at every stage of life, and I now know that ‘eating’ should never be confused with a hobby”. He created his own world and his parents now had little space there.

Swati Gupta was brought up in a very strict environment, so when her job took her to a different state, she decided never to return. “It was suffocating for me to come back to my parents where they always found reasons to pull me down, and make me feel worthless and unaccomplished.” Meeting up with the family on festivals was also a ‘pain in the ass’. They’d always say that they had spent a fortune on her education. It would have been better if they would have rather gotten her married. She was constantly bullied by her brother. Her parents would always obsess about their son, who according to them ‘was their only child’, which made her realise she will always stay an outsider (since she will be married one day, and was considered ‘paraya dhan’ as per the orthodox society). Such relationships are not only toxic, but also affect a child’s personality and emotional growth. Finally she decided not to do things to please her parents anymore.

While family estrangement may not come to pinch too often for those who did it for reasons that satisfied them, it is the holiday season or respective family days (festivals, birthdays, anniversaries) that makes it challenging, when the whole world is plastering social media with their love for their families. These days come as reminders of what they have lost — the fundamental family ties — which are at the core of our existence. Isn’t it?

Developer, melomaniac, philospher, tea lover